Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up!

THIS…..

Is my WARMEST JACKET!

And I’m selling it! You’ve just stumbled into the opportunity of a lifetime!

It’s a Western Mountaineering Snøjack, size Large. I know, you’re thinking to yourself, who or what the fuck is a Snøjack? Who CARES?!? All WE need to know is that this Jack-o-Sno is warm as hell! I mean, hotter than a whore in church! Hotter’n Hell’s back kitchen! Hot enough to roast a dang lizard! Friends, let me just be clear and say it straight: this jacket is hot as a half-fucked fox in a forest fire. So if you’ve ever done the ol’ shiver-bivy or hated your partner for not just pullin’ the goddamn move while you slowly turn into Jack Fucking Frost (not his real middle name) at the belay, then this pile of yellow nylon and down is gonna be your best bud.

Snøjack went on an expedition once. Only ONCE! And I always stored this thing totally uncompressed. None of that “put it in an oversized cotton bag” shit. Nobody puts Snøjack in a corner!

Snøjack got a teensy weensy itty bitty hole on the right arm, but I patched that shit – because he’s WORTH it! And there’s like, these two little dirty patches on the right arm and behind the neck. So what, what are you gonna do about it, huh? Hand wash it lightly with mild soap and water? Yeah, that’s what I THOUGHT, punk!

Oh, and this ain’t no stock Snøjack. I added a little snap at the bottom of the zipper, to keep it closed (and keep your sweet ass warm) while you belay your dumb ploddingly-slow partner through the zipper. I ain’t even gonna charge you extra for that.

The bottom line, G, is that this motherfucker is as warm as it gets. (See above: the line about the fox).

$600. They say you can’t put a price on being fucking warm, but Snøjack says “fuck that, I’ll put a price on it and make it a deal.” Come at me, bro or lady-bro!