Hey you, yeah you, are you ready to get into ice climbing?  Or are you already into it and looking for the tool for those alpine gullies?  These are the tools for you.  These tools have been a trusty steed, I've top roped some hard shit with these (Read: WI5), as well as climbed a bunch of other stuff that wasn't nearly as badass  (but yeah, I've top roped WI5 before).  

So you're single?  You're trying to get noticed? These are the tools for you.  Grab these things ASAP and take your next tinder photo with them and I can personally guarantee that you might get more messages than you were before.  If not you've taken another step into the warm and cozy world of ice climbing, and you'll probably forget that you're single.  

You're a weekend warrior like me?  Need to gain some respect in the workplace?  These are the tools for you.  Take that same photo that you just took for your tinder profile, and show that to your boss during your next performance review.  Let them know, "hey I work at a very average level during this 9-5, but during the 5-9 I'm a bad mamba jamba and here is photo evidence.  I'll take my raise now, please."

Is you're mom worried about you being a climber? Of course, she is, she's your mom.  You can say, hey mom don't worry, my ice tools are orange, that is the international color of caution (I think), so that means while you're wielding these, you'll be cautious the whole time (that's a rule).  

I'm selling these, because I've shifted my focus from being a big mountain badass, to hiding in a deep damp cave somewhere and falling on bolts (Read: sport climbing).  

Once you own these your life will change.  You'll hop onto this emotional roller coaster and ride that thing into the cold sunset of winter.  At the end of that ride you'll find life, love (recall the tinder photo above) and a series of 5-star friends.  

The tools come with two sets of picks, one used set, and one very lightly used set, the extra sex appeal you'll get is included.  $275.